Ping-pong brain: It's not easy to...is that a squirrel?
When I was a young boy, I was labeled a "trouble-maker." I was always talking. Always. I remember coming back from a Xavier Basketball game with my dad, my uncles, and one of my cousins where my uncle was so sick of hearing me talk that he offered to pay me $5 to not talk the rest of the trip. I was so embarrassed.
In school, I could never concentrate. From grade school through college, I would bet that I only studied for tests/quizzes about 10% of the time, but i graduated with honors at each level. Unfortunately, I was only operating at a fraction of my potential because of what was going on in my mind. I'm going to try to describe here what was going on in my brain at each phase of my life.
In school, I could never concentrate. From grade school through college, I would bet that I only studied for tests/quizzes about 10% of the time, but i graduated with honors at each level. Unfortunately, I was only operating at a fraction of my potential because of what was going on in my mind. I'm going to try to describe here what was going on in my brain at each phase of my life.
Grade school
5th grade Halloween with my friend, Scott
I spent 8 years at St. Vivian Catholic Grade School in Finneytown, Ohio (suburban Cincinnati). I love all of the friends that I gained through St. Vivian, but I didn't learn a whole lot there. The main reason was that I was never, ever engaged as a student. Whether it was the inability, unwillingness, or just ignorance of the teachers to recognize my difficulties, or just the fact that no one really knew about ADHD in the early 80s, I was totally on my own for those 8 years.
The issues that I had as a student include many of the issues from which I still suffer. However, I also had a hyperactivity component that (thankfully) has all but disappeared as an adult. The most debilitating of my symptoms during this time was the daydreaming and/or mind wandering in general. These weren't a product of me merely not "buckling down" and doing what I need to do. I honestly could not help it. When I was sitting in a classroom listening to a teacher drone on about a subject that I understand already (or thought I did), I just could not focus on that. Add to that the fact that all of St. Vivian's classrooms had entire walls of windows that looked out on nature and you have a perfect storm.
I specifically remember one instance where I spent the entirety of a 2-hour classroom period watching a guy mow his lawn and pretend that I was controlling him with buttons on my desk. I even drew a Nintendo controller on my notebook.
I never got bad grades, but that's mostly because I read ahead in the books when we were reading in class. I couldn't sit there and listen to my classmates stumble through the words on the page. I assumed that everyone read as fast as I did. I have since come to find out that I'm kind of a speed reader. Not as fast as many, but I can read a little over 100 pages per hour of a hardback book. So, when they were stumbling through the first page, I was reading the entire chapter in a matter of 10 minutes. Once I read something, I remember it for at least a week. So, I did just fine on tests and quizzes. Homework was hurriedly completed between classes, during classes immediately before, or just before school in the breezeway (we were dropped of 30 minutes early).
I wasn't the top of my class, but I never failed anything. I was in the "gifted" program, but it was a crappy program. All we did was put together a school newspaper and walk down to the public school for a meeting with the district psychologist. It was ridiculous. I signed up for every during-school extra curricular activity possible: alter server, band, church music, newspaper, science club, big brothers...etc.
The issues that I had as a student include many of the issues from which I still suffer. However, I also had a hyperactivity component that (thankfully) has all but disappeared as an adult. The most debilitating of my symptoms during this time was the daydreaming and/or mind wandering in general. These weren't a product of me merely not "buckling down" and doing what I need to do. I honestly could not help it. When I was sitting in a classroom listening to a teacher drone on about a subject that I understand already (or thought I did), I just could not focus on that. Add to that the fact that all of St. Vivian's classrooms had entire walls of windows that looked out on nature and you have a perfect storm.
I specifically remember one instance where I spent the entirety of a 2-hour classroom period watching a guy mow his lawn and pretend that I was controlling him with buttons on my desk. I even drew a Nintendo controller on my notebook.
I never got bad grades, but that's mostly because I read ahead in the books when we were reading in class. I couldn't sit there and listen to my classmates stumble through the words on the page. I assumed that everyone read as fast as I did. I have since come to find out that I'm kind of a speed reader. Not as fast as many, but I can read a little over 100 pages per hour of a hardback book. So, when they were stumbling through the first page, I was reading the entire chapter in a matter of 10 minutes. Once I read something, I remember it for at least a week. So, I did just fine on tests and quizzes. Homework was hurriedly completed between classes, during classes immediately before, or just before school in the breezeway (we were dropped of 30 minutes early).
I wasn't the top of my class, but I never failed anything. I was in the "gifted" program, but it was a crappy program. All we did was put together a school newspaper and walk down to the public school for a meeting with the district psychologist. It was ridiculous. I signed up for every during-school extra curricular activity possible: alter server, band, church music, newspaper, science club, big brothers...etc.
High School
(L to R) Me, Graham, and Katie Freshman year
Band. That's what high school was for me. Band. I literally don't think that I did anything else. Socially, this was a very formative time for me. First, I met the woman who would eventually become my wife. Second, I learned the sting of rejection all too well. I think that much of the hyperactivity from grade school and begun to wear off by my freshman year. Some people may dispute this...I was still kind of nutty. Honestly, I think that it was more a "peacock strut" than a disorder.
High school was even harder for me because of the amount of stimuli:
I struggled mightily. This was the beginning of my habit of lying to teachers/professors in order to save my own ass. I'm not proud of what I did, but I got very good at it. I am blessed to have an above-average level of intelligence, but without that I would have been totally up a crap creek without a paddle.
Still, no treatment. People started talking about ADD when I was a junior in high school, but by then I had convinced people that I was fine. I earned some great scholarships to Xavier for a music degree, I was engaged (the last day of my senior year) to the most beautiful women in the world, and I was sailing into the sunset.
I had no idea what was about to hit me in college.
High school was even harder for me because of the amount of stimuli:
- Girls in plaid skirts
- Driving yourself or riding with friends, not parents
- Cliques so many cliques. I wanted to fit into so many of them...I don't really know that I ever fit into any of them
- Short, 45 minute periods with movement from room to room by the students
- Gossip
- Girls in plaid skirts
- The internet (this would end up playing some very good and very bad roles in my life)
- Different subjects
- Dating
I struggled mightily. This was the beginning of my habit of lying to teachers/professors in order to save my own ass. I'm not proud of what I did, but I got very good at it. I am blessed to have an above-average level of intelligence, but without that I would have been totally up a crap creek without a paddle.
Still, no treatment. People started talking about ADD when I was a junior in high school, but by then I had convinced people that I was fine. I earned some great scholarships to Xavier for a music degree, I was engaged (the last day of my senior year) to the most beautiful women in the world, and I was sailing into the sunset.
I had no idea what was about to hit me in college.