I know that I seem like a happy person. Trust me...I'm not.
For what seems like my entire life I have been the happy fat guy. I know that as a kid you don't really have that kind of identity, but if you could than I would have. It really came to a head when I was in college and working at Roger Bacon at the time. I felt totally hopeless. I didn't want to leave our apartment, I was addicting to pornography, I was a binge eater, and I had irrational thoughts.
The anxiety was dibilitating. At one point, I was watching the movie The Perfect Storm with Amy and I couldn't watch it anymore. I was so anxious about what was going on that I was shaking and couldn't watch the TV anymore. I had my face in my hands, I was rocking back and forth, and I was crying. That was definitely one of my mental rock-bottoms.
I went to my doctor and talked to him about my symptoms. He didn't hesitate to recommend that I take Celexa. Celexa (or citalopram) is an SSRI, or a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. They work by increasing the amount of serotonin, a natural substance in the brain that helps maintain mental balance. It worked very well. Over the years I tried several more anti-depressants (Wellbutrin, Cymbalta), but Celexa has always worked best for me.
I sought treatment through therapy, as well. I was blessed to find a great psychologist on my first try and she helped me immensly. Being able to slowly and methodically work through my problems and my past was key to my recovery. I also put together lots of coping skills that I continue to use today.
Like many people suffering from depression, I began to feel that I could handle it on my own without medicine. I was slowly weened off of the Celexa. Things went well for a little while, but eventually, I slowly began to have some of the symptoms again:
-extreme irritability
-short fuse with loud, angry outbursts
-incredibly anxiety
-difficulty concentrating
-social withdrawl
-staying up late at night to be by myself
The last straw came in May of 2009. Amy, Sam, and I took a vacation to Great Smoky Mountain National Park to celebrate Mother's Day and my 30th birthday. I was very out of shape, but I love hiking in the park. So, we decided to do the extremely crowded Laurel Falls hike. On the way up, my then three-year-old son Sam just couldn't make it all the way to the top by himself. So, I put him up on my shoulders and we hiked to the top.
The problem started on the way down. It was Amy's turn to help Sam, and she either carried him, held his hand, or put him on her shoulders. I could NOT be behind them. I was so anxious about him falling that I couldn't handle it. I freaked out. I yelled at Amy, Sam, and probably every person along the trail.
In the car on the way back to the campground, Amy asked me if I had considered going back onto my antidepressant. I believe that I said, "I have now." As soon as we got back to Cincinnati, I went to my doctor. I've been on it ever since.
To me, this was the first step on my road to turning around my lifestyle.
The anxiety was dibilitating. At one point, I was watching the movie The Perfect Storm with Amy and I couldn't watch it anymore. I was so anxious about what was going on that I was shaking and couldn't watch the TV anymore. I had my face in my hands, I was rocking back and forth, and I was crying. That was definitely one of my mental rock-bottoms.
I went to my doctor and talked to him about my symptoms. He didn't hesitate to recommend that I take Celexa. Celexa (or citalopram) is an SSRI, or a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. They work by increasing the amount of serotonin, a natural substance in the brain that helps maintain mental balance. It worked very well. Over the years I tried several more anti-depressants (Wellbutrin, Cymbalta), but Celexa has always worked best for me.
I sought treatment through therapy, as well. I was blessed to find a great psychologist on my first try and she helped me immensly. Being able to slowly and methodically work through my problems and my past was key to my recovery. I also put together lots of coping skills that I continue to use today.
Like many people suffering from depression, I began to feel that I could handle it on my own without medicine. I was slowly weened off of the Celexa. Things went well for a little while, but eventually, I slowly began to have some of the symptoms again:
-extreme irritability
-short fuse with loud, angry outbursts
-incredibly anxiety
-difficulty concentrating
-social withdrawl
-staying up late at night to be by myself
The last straw came in May of 2009. Amy, Sam, and I took a vacation to Great Smoky Mountain National Park to celebrate Mother's Day and my 30th birthday. I was very out of shape, but I love hiking in the park. So, we decided to do the extremely crowded Laurel Falls hike. On the way up, my then three-year-old son Sam just couldn't make it all the way to the top by himself. So, I put him up on my shoulders and we hiked to the top.
The problem started on the way down. It was Amy's turn to help Sam, and she either carried him, held his hand, or put him on her shoulders. I could NOT be behind them. I was so anxious about him falling that I couldn't handle it. I freaked out. I yelled at Amy, Sam, and probably every person along the trail.
In the car on the way back to the campground, Amy asked me if I had considered going back onto my antidepressant. I believe that I said, "I have now." As soon as we got back to Cincinnati, I went to my doctor. I've been on it ever since.
To me, this was the first step on my road to turning around my lifestyle.